Oh man. I’ve made a few Totoro cakes in my cake life but this blue Totoro cake has gotta be one of my favourites. In January 2015 I was supposed to make a cat cake for Tracy, for her niece’s birthday. I had just found out I had breast cancer. I still wanted to go ahead and make it because I hate not fulfilling commitments and didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I was crying because I was so overwhelmed and stressed out but thought, oh I can do still do this, I can make this cake. But I really couldn’t, and my dear sister recognized that, and she helped me cancel it and of course everyone understood. Now, it has been three years since that time. I haven’t really written about it yet because in so many ways it feels so overwhelming that I don’t even know where to start, and I feel so grateful for the last year of 2017 I’ve had, of feeling healthy, and enjoying life with my husband and son and getting to do some fun traveling and camping together. To feel like I have my creativity back, and life not dominated and dictated by injections, doctor’s appointments, blood work and dreaded trips to the cancer agency – I never want this feeling to end. The freedom of getting to worry about silly small things, and not big scary things, just for a while, to continue this nice patch of life without too many harsh bumps in the road. Yes, I finally got to make Tracy a cake, for her niece Kelly – this crazy-eyed kawaii blue Totoro cake! It did feel full-circle to make this for her – it reminded me of 2015, and made me feel extra grateful for today.
It is a gift for me to feel healthy, strong, happy and creative. It’s not an every day every moment set of feelings, and to be a little carefree is a little risqué, because cancer is a horrible beast and it is my greatest fear (apart from ORCA WHALES, yikes.) Yet it feels so good to live life normally.
Hooray for birthdays! Never forget that every one is worth celebrating. Even the ones where your hair is turning grey and the deep lines show up on your face, and your boobs (or one and a half boobs) hang down jusssst a little lower. Breathe it all in! xo Lyndsay
Matcha Totoro Cake
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