Hello my dear friends. I wanted to tell you something – come out of the closet with some personal news. In January of this year I was diagnosed with breast cancer in my right breast – something called invasive ductal carcinoma. I’ll be having surgery this coming Monday February 23rd to remove a large part of my right breast followed by chemotherapy and radiation – all things I’m feeling pretty nervous and emotional about. Despite the shiteballs news, we still went to Disneyland – the trip had been planned for a year, and it was to celebrate my amazing mom’s 70th birthday. Turns out Diz was the joy and magic I needed to forget my boob-oriented problems for a while. Hot sun, the giggling hyper-happiness in my son’s face, feeling the love of my family and basking in the happy-making insanity that is Disneyland gave me a much needed blast of energy and fun.
A cast member selling balloons – balloon blaster!
This churro ice cream sandwich.
Feeling happy and love-y with my little man and my big man!!
Pineapple Dole Whip. Crucial stop at Disneyland.
Riding high on the Dumbo flying elephant ride!
The perfect soft serve ice cream cone. Diz does not mess around when it comes to soft serve. Shit’s gotta be perfect.
Minnie!!! Do not eat the face of your partner Mickey!! Allow me to eat it! Mickey Mouse waffle.
“What in tarnation??” Teddy met so many characters and saw so much stuff and he loved it all. No tears or meltdowns … kid loves rides too just like his dad.
My amazing mom (cool enough for ya in white Ray-bans??) and her brood of grandkiddies…
My sis and her two boys swirling and twirling. The Teacups are SO FUN and colorful! Diz has incredible sets, art direction and design in all of their rides.
Ok … back to this news:
Boobs have been on my mind ever since I was diagnosed on January 9th. I made this hilarious cake a few years ago for my friend Phanie’s 30th birthday … out of my usual range of cute and rated G cakes but I found this photo again and it felt relevant. Being told I had breast cancer was the most terrifying news, and deeply shocking especially as I’m still in my 30s. I don’t feel sick at all – but I’ve been told I have a disease that needs to be cured out of my body. I will be made to feel sick by chemicals and drugs and my physical appearance will change. It’s a weird countdown of days with my breasts the way they are – so I look at them and try to emblazon the way they look now into my memory, and face a mind spiral of fear of the unknown as I undergo chemo and radiation, and how that might affect my energy, the way I care for my son, or my marriage and other relationships. I’ve been an emotional, fragile little bird since getting back from Disneyland as my current reality has started to set in. My life has ground to a halt – I feel kind of useless, with no motivation to bake or create. I feel sad because I’ve worked extremely hard to get my cake and writing career to where it is – lots of sweet readers and fans, a great blogging community, some wonderful freelance jobs – and I can feel that all slipping away as I disappear to tackle something completely different – breast cancer. But at the same time it’s also been ok to let go, to say goodbye to the bloggy rat race. I’ll continue to update my blog and create new work as I’m able to. I’m spending my time partying with my little boo and snuggling him and air-guitar-ing with him as much as I can while I still have energy. For now my friends, please say a little prayer for me and send me some positive thoughts – I’m going to need it! xo Lyndsay