Dear Teddy. It’s mama. Or mommy, or MA. You call for me in the mornings when you wake up to let me know you’re awake. Or you yell at me to come in to your room, and bleary eyed, I stumble out of bed. “Is it morning?” you ask. How did you get to be four years old? Just yesterday, you were the basketball bump in my tummy. The baby-to-be, forcing me to ingest whole ice cold watermelons and cut-up cantaloupes, and large cups filled to the brim with ice cubes, shimmering like a sculpture. Rolling around like an alien in my tummy, the strangest sensation. Now, here you are. Tall for your age, with soft lightly brown skin, cheeks of dough and eyelashes so thick and long they would make a drag queen jealous. You are growing your hair out like Joey Ramone’s. You don’t mind being called a girl at the park. You are fascinated by good and evil, good guys and bad guys. You say things like “mommy if a bad guy ever comes to take you I will PUNCH HIM and lock him up in jail!!”You really are a pretty little guy.
Every day you are learning so much, questioning the world around you, asking what words mean, with a growing independence. I miss you so much when I am working and we are apart, yet you often make me lose my cool with your wildness. You shred on your guitar and sing all day long. You seem to love pop punk music, which is questionable. You love make-believe play and you are obsessed with cars. You ask about death and dying a lot. I try my best to answer your super-goth questions without freaking both of us out. I don’t have all the answers – sometimes mommy just does not know.
You are my whole heart. You are a huge nutbar. You are hilarious and fun and sweet and thoughtful but you can also sometimes be an asshole. You love jokes. I am trying my best to raise you as a cool guy, one who thinks of others, who loves freely, who shares (haha) and has gratitude. Lately we have been singing “A Whole New World” from Aladdin together and at the end I always say “nice singing, Teddy!” and you say “nice singing, mom!”
You are the one who makes me truly happy, Teddy! My heart and life is full because of you. You are so well loved by so many people. I am so glad I am here to be with you. Love, Mom